My friend Brian is a proud carb enthusiast who considers vegetables “what my food eats” and whose idea of salad is iceberg lettuce with ranch dressing buried under croutons. His doctor has been nagging him about vegetables for years with zero success. Last week we went to Presidio Kebab and he ordered his usual meat-heavy…

My friend Jake caught some terrible flu thing and was miserable for three days – fever, chills, couldn’t eat solid food, convinced he was dying. His girlfriend finally dragged him to urgent care and while they waited in the parking lot she ran to Presidio Kebab and got Turkish lentil soup because she’d heard it…

My friend Vincent is third-generation Italian-American whose family owns a pizzeria in New Jersey and he’s militantly defensive about pizza being Italian perfection that cannot be improved upon or meaningfully compared to other flatbreads. He’s that guy who ruins pizza outings by lecturing about dough hydration and why New York water matters. Last month we…

My friend Alex’s Greek grandmother is notorious in the family for being impossible to please with food. She’s made stuffed grape leaves (dolmades) for sixty years and thinks nobody else’s version comes close. She’ll try other people’s attempts, make this dismissive face, and say “this is why nobody should try” before launching into what they…

My neighbor Ayşe moved to San Francisco from Istanbul two years ago and she’s been homesick the entire time. We’ve tried taking her to various Turkish restaurants hoping to cheer her up, but she’d take one bite, make this disappointed face, and say “this is not how we make it in Turkey” before picking sadly…

My friend Jessica volunteered to host our friend group dinner without thinking through the reality that she can’t cook beyond microwaving leftovers and ordering takeout. Two hours before people arrived, she had a full panic about having nothing to serve and guests expecting some effort since she offered to host. I told her to order…

My friend Stavros moved to San Francisco from Cyprus five years ago and complains constantly about how American “gyros” are sad imitations with mystery meat and weird toppings that no Greek person would recognize. He’d given up on finding real gyros here and just made do with disappointing substitutes. Then someone dragged him to Presidio…

My friend Marcus is chronically late to everything – meetings, dinners, movies, his own birthday party one year. We’ve learned to tell him events start thirty minutes earlier than they actually do. Last month he discovered the Turkish wraps at Presidio Kebab and suddenly he’s showing up on time, sometimes even early, to anything happening…